What's Next

To all the people who have asked, and to all those who have wondered but have not asked for fear of stressing a girl out, thank you for caring. Now I can finally share my plans for after Japan. (I want to maintain the blog, though I might change the title...details to come later.)

I leave Japan at the end of July and will return home. (Yay home!) From there I plan to see lots of people I have missed during my year in Japan, write about Japan, rest and ward off reverse culture shock, exercise, and work to save some money. In September, I'll move to France in pursuit of my dream job. Remember in February I quoted my friend Doug, who said, "It's time to chase my dreams somewhere else"? Well, I was lucky enough to have that chance. I'll be attending The Fragrance Academy (at Groupe ISIPCA) outside of Paris to study perfume -- how to make it, modern industry, advertising, chemical regulations, etc. -- in short, everything you can think of related to the production of fragrance.

So, how did I get here? I studied French, I didn't let go when people said it was frivolous, I went to France for access to perfume factories and other sources of information, I read and read and read, and I applied to the school from Japan. (Thank you to family and friends for all your support!) Maybe you are wondering "Why?" but the simplest answer is, "Because." How can you really explain why you love someone? It's the same feeling. I can talk about the comfort I feel even now when I smell perfume my mom wore 18 years ago; the first bottle my grandmother ever gave me; how it's such a romantic blend of science and technology and art and nature and beauty and history and the modern world; how when I baby-sat I deliberately wore the same perfume every time so the child would feel like he knew me; how I find neuroscience and our not-yet-understood sense of smell so fascinating that it makes my heart rate increase; how when I've changed or learned something important, I have to change perfumes because all the memories associated with one scent just don't feel like the right 'me' anymore; I can talk about how I get excited when I know who was in a room before I was; how dogs can "sniff out" cancer; how of all the senses, olfaction is the most instantaneous, the most entangled with learning and memory and identity, the most heart-wrenching, the most crucial to our evolution and survival as a species, the most mysterious. So, why do I want to study variations of a liquid mix of chemicals that is the most marked-up commodity on the market?

Because.

I'm a little scared. I'm incredibly excited. I have many mixed emotions regarding being away (from the US) for another year. I'm so excited to live in France another time and brush up my French and get to know life there again. I regret that everybody I love can't be in the same place. I'm sad to leave friends in Japan because I know in France they are much more difficult to come by. Japanese culture extended vines of friendship that rooted somewhere in me to make me feel warm and safe and secure. France is not like that. But I do have some connections there, including a friend my age from Duke, a kind host family, a fantastic friend from my internship who married and settled in Paris, a fabulous conductor who is often in the area...so I won't be unaccounted for.

Let's not forget the most important part. I'm going to France for a year to spend 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, studying something I thought was too ephemeral and romantic to be within reach as a career. Because I'm trying to grasp that doesn't mean that I will miss you any less.

It also doesn't mean that I'll stop writing. So stay tuned. :)